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From childhood and through my twenties, I did not enjoy public speaking because I felt anxious when the spotlight was on me. Yet, I couldn’t escape public speaking because it’s a necessary part of life especially when you want certain opportunities.
In 2016, I took a public speaking course at a technical college and I joined my first Toastmasters club. From there, I started an intentional public speaking journey so I could learn how to overcome my fear, improve my presentation skills, and become more confident overall.
I made a lot of mistakes, learned many lessons, and achieved a lot of growth since 2016.
If you want to overcome your fear of public speaking and become a confident speaker, here are ten lessons from my public speaking journey that you can implement during your own.
Lesson 1: Nothing will change until you decide enough is enough.
Let me share the story of how I reached this breaking point.
The year was 2016 and I was enrolled in a public speaking course at a technical college. On the first day of class, my professor said we would have to speak during every class in some way.
For some days, we would have to give prepared speeches based on the accompanying assignment requirements. For other days, we would have to give extemporaneous speech evaluations of our classmates’ prepared speeches.
We also had a group presentation we had to complete in class as well as other opportunities to work on our impromptu speaking skills.
Throughout the semester, my professor would mention the student Toastmasters club on campus and she would invite us to attend their meetings to get extra credit and practice. Because I had an A in her class, that information always went in one ear and out the other.
That was until she introduced our final speech project which was worth 30% of our grade.
Because I wanted to make sure I would finish the course with an A, I decided to accept her invitation and attend a Toastmasters meeting. That day, I learned you had to be a member of the club in order to be able to give a prepared speech so I decided to join that club and signed up to do a rehearsal of my speech for my class.
I intended to have my PowerPoint and speech script ready before that meeting so I could impress my professor and the other Toastmasters members. However, that’s not how the story went.
On the day I was scheduled to deliver that speech, I was still working on my script for my speech. I finished it before the meeting started and went to a computer lab to print it out.
As the Toastmaster of the Day was introducing me, I felt the nerves and anxiety spike in my body.
I got up, shook her hand, and delivered my speech. Because I didn’t practice before that meeting, I relied heavily on my speech script and PowerPoint presentation. For the entire time I was standing at the lectern, I felt terrible and anxious.
To top it off, one the club advisors who was present at the meeting was also a speech instructor so he knew the requirements of the speech assignment I was was working on and he was witnessing me present it without adequate preparation.
The members and guests at the meeting were given pieces of paper to write feedback on for my speech and I thought for sure that everyone, including that speech instructor, was going to say that my presentation was bad. Thankfully, that’s not how the story went.
I received encouraging feedback from everyone including that speech instructor.
However, I still didn’t feel good about my presentation. I knew I should have practiced before that meeting. Yes, that presentation was a rehearsal for my speech class, but that didn’t mean I didn’t have to practice for my rehearsal.
That experience though was my breaking point and wakeup call to start taking my public speaking journey more seriously.
Since that experience, I gave many more prepared speeches that I actually prepared for, participated in Table Topics, served in various meeting roles and leadership roles, and competed in speech competitions.
All of those opportunities helped me to overcome my fear of public speaking, improve my stage presence, and build my confidence.
And if you’re wondering, I did get an A+ for that speech project and an A+ for that course. 😄
All of this is to say, in order for you to become a better public speaker, you have to take your public speaking journey seriously and that may not happen until you decide enough is enough.
Meaning, you’re tired of feeling anxious when you have to give a speech in front of a crowd.
You’re tired of hiding behind lip synced videos because you’re scared to use your own voice.
You’re tired of missing out on opportunities to make more money because interviewing is not your strongest skill yet.
The key word is yet. All of that can change if you decide you want to change.
Lesson 2: Your audience’s time matters as much as your time does.
Whether you’re giving a presentation at school or work, hosting a podcast or event, or filming a video for your YouTube channel or Instagram account, it’s important to keep your audience in mind.
Specifically, just like we want other people to respect our time, we have to respect our audience’s time too. So, if your time limit for a presentation is 15-20 minutes, plan ahead so you don’t end up talking for 30 minutes and have the host escort you off the stage in a civil manner.
More importantly, though, plan ahead so you can know what you want to say and deliver a great speech, presentation, or video as a result.
Let’s go back to the story I shared in lesson one for a moment.
The reason I felt terrible while giving my rehearsal speech is I didn’t practice or fully prepare for that speech even though I signed up in advance to give that speech.
Additionally, even though I received encouraging feedback from the audience, not preparing for my speech was disrespectful to myself and my audience because I wasn’t able to do my best at that time due to a lack of preparation.
We want to enjoy giving speeches and creating videos, and our audience wants to enjoy listening to our speeches and watching our videos. Preparation is the key to make that happen.
Create an outline or script for your speeches and videos.
Practice giving your speech or making your video out loud.
Think about possible obstacles and solutions for those obstacles and make a plan.
Our audience wants to support us and have a good time too, so we have to keep them in mind and respect their time in order for that to happen.
Lesson 3: Use the Triple Replay Method when doing a self-evaluation.
When I took a public speaking course in college, my professor would record our prepared speeches and save the recording on our own USB flash drives so we could watch the recordings later and complete a self-evaluation for each speech.
I call this the Triple Replay Method (shoutout to Dr. Penny Waddell for introducing it to me).
Here’s how it works.
You will watch the entire video and jot down your first impressions. What stood out to you? What did you like? What didn’t you like?
Then, you will replay the video but only listen to the audio and not watch the screen. That’s because for the second observation, you will focus on your speech content and the sound of your voice. Pay attention to the organization of your speech, volume of your voice, vocal variety, enunciation of words, and your confidence level.
After that, you will replay the video one more time but with the sound off. That’s because for the third observation, you will focus on your body language and stage presence. Pay attention to your facial expressions, hand gestures, eye contact, where you stood on the stage, if you moved around on the stage, and nervous gestures.
Each time you watch or listen to the recording, jot down notes of what you observed each time. Once you’re done, you will have concrete notes of your strengths and areas you can improve in.
This self-evaluation method is also effective in quieting our inner critic. When I delivered my final prepared speech in class, I had a brain fart during my presentation. In the moment, it felt like I was frozen for 10 seconds. However, when I looked at the recording, I saw that I had only paused for one second. I remember being hard on myself about that brain fart but that recording helped me to see that I did a much better job than I thought.
Lesson 4: The more you practice and apply feedback, the more you will improve.
You’ve probably heard the phrase, “practice makes perfect.” It’s true in a sense.
If you want to improve your public speaking skills, you have to practice and put yourself in situations where you can work on that skill.
That could look like joining a Toastmasters club, filling a meeting role every week, and giving a prepared speech every month.
That could look like starting a YouTube channel, filming and posting a new video every week, and going live on your channel once a month.
That could look like posting a 30-60-second video on Instagram stories everyday for one month, posting a 30-60-second reel twice per week, and going live once per quarter.
Regardless of how you choose to work on this skill, it’s important to work on it in some way everyday.
That doesn’t mean you have to give a speech or post a video every single day for the rest of your life. It means that you can work on different parts of public speaking everyday.
For example, on Mondays, you can come up with speech ideas and videos ideas. On Tuesdays, you can create an outline for one of those ideas. On Wednesdays, you can revise that outline and turn it into a full script if you’d like. On Thursdays, you can practice giving that speech or making a video with that outline or script. Whatever works for you.
The point is, in order to get better, you have to put in the work. If you aren’t consistent and take long breaks from working on this skill, you can end up reverting to old habits, thinking that you haven’t made any progress, and feeling like it’s impossible for you to conquer this fear and become a better speaker when that’s not true.
Pick a platform, organization, or method that works for your schedule and starting point, and commit to working on this skill everyday in some way for one year. Additionally, apply constructive feedback you receive from your audience and yourself when you do a self-evaluation. You will be amazed by how much growth can happen as a result.
Lesson 5: Use variations of scripts and outlines to build your extemporaneous speaking skills.
When I started my public speaking journey, I relied heavily on scripts when I prepared for my speeches. Meaning, I would write out every word I wanted to say, memorize that script, and deliver my speech based on that script.
That worked for me at the time because I had a lot of anxiety around public speaking so my script was my safety net for speeches.
Over time, I switched from using scripts to using outlines and PowerPoint presentations.
For my outlines, I would script my introduction and conclusion and I would write down bullet points for the body of my speech. For my PowerPoint presentations, I would include bullet points for each section and pictures when appropriate. The only full sentences I would have on there would be for quotes or ideas I wanted to emphasize.
By doing that, I was able to stay organized and know what I wanted to say when it was time to deliver my speech, and it helped me move from being a scripted speaker to an extemporaneous speaker.
If you’re starting your public speaking journey and want to use scripts, that’s okay. I know there are people who speak badly of scripts because they claim it can make you sound robotic. Have they never heard of acting, though? Because actors memorize scripts yet manage to sound natural when delivering their lines. 🧐
Anyways, if the only way you will get on stage or get on camera is to have a script memorized, then do that in the beginning of your journey. Over time, you can transition from using scripts to using outlines, notecards, and other visual aids to help you stay organized and prepared for your speech or video. The key will be for you to practice your speech or video with that outline or visual aid several times so when it’s time to present or hit record, you will be ready to speak.
Also, there are some instances where it’s still okay to script everything. For example, if you’re a screenwriter or you make short-form videos, it may be better to write out all your lines word for word and memorize them. You can practice saying them until it sounds natural. Plus, you will be able to stay within your time limit for that project.
Lesson 6: Silence is okay.
Contrary to popular advice on content creation, it is okay to have “dead air” in your videos and presentations.
I know you’ve probably heard other content creators say that people’s attention span is constantly shrinking so you need to cut out pauses and dead air and keep the pace as fast and engaging as possible.
Here’s where I agree and disagree.
If you recorded a video or podcast episode, and you had to pause at different moments during the recording to do something, then yes you should edit out those moments of silence.
If you kept stumbling on a certain word or had to restart a sentence several times, then yes you should edit out those mistakes.
However, if you paused during the recording to give your audience time to reflect on what you said, then don’t edit out that pause. In that case, it’s necessary.
In fact, there are many instances where it’s necessary to include pauses in your speech or video.
Think about your favorite TV shows, movies, and/or plays. Is every moment of that media filled with words or is silence incorporated?
Think about your favorite YouTubers, podcasters, and video creators. Do any of them incorporate silence or pauses in their content? I’m going to bet that at least one of them does (hello, it’s me 😏).
Think about professional speakers and World Champions of Public Speaking. Do they speak for every second they’re on stage or do they incorporate pauses and silence during their speech?
In all of those examples, the speaker, content creator, or production company intentionally uses pauses and silence to get their audience to think, reflect, and feel a certain emotion.
Whether you’re giving a speech or making a video, you want to give your audience time to absorb the information you’re sharing, reflect on your message, and react to what you say.
Because imagine you share a joke, and immediately move to your next sentence or thought without giving your audience time to laugh and enjoy the moment. That would be awkward.
Use pauses and moments of silence intentionally to deliver a better experience for yourself and your audience.
Lesson 7: Presenting in person and presenting online are two different experiences, but each setting can help you prepare for the other.
From February 2016 to February 2020, I worked on my public speaking skills by speaking at in-person meetings and events. During that time, I gave prepared speeches at different Toastmasters clubs, participated in speech competitions at college and Toastmasters, lead trainings for club officers, and served in various leadership roles that required public speaking.
When the pandemic started in 2020, our Toastmasters meetings and events had to transition from being hosted in person to being hosted online. That transition led to me giving speeches virtually, hosting trainings online for members of my district, and hosting a virtual event for college students in partnership with another district leader.
Although I didn’t have as much prior experience with presenting online, the skills I learned and built through in-person public speaking situations helped me to be courageous and confident with speaking virtually.
Similarly, the skills I learned and built online while doing virtual presentations and trainings helped me to be courageous with creating videos for social media and starting a podcast.
Whether you’re speaking in person or online, things like eye contact, vocal variety, body language, organization, enunciation, and stage presence still matter.
What changes is the method and delivery of those things. For example, when you’re presenting online, you have to look at your webcam in order to make eye contact with your audience. You can glance at the screen a few times to gauge how your audience is responding to your speech, but you mostly want to look at the webcam so your video can come across as though you’re looking directly at each person in the audience.
However, when you’re presenting in person, you don’t want to just look at one area of the room or at only one person in the room because the rest of your audience will feel like you’re not talking to them or as engaged with them. Instead, you want to look directly at different people in different areas of the room so your audience can feel seen by you and connect with you better.
Learning how to adapt my public speaking skills to different environments has continued to benefit me even after my involvement with Toastmasters changed.
In 2022, I took a step back from Toastmasters due to a personal transition and my adult responsibilities changing. Over time, I have attended club meetings and district conferences, but I haven’t been as involved as I was before. Despite that, the experience and skills that I gained while being involved in Toastmasters and other public speaking opportunities have helped me with many virtual and in-person public speaking situations such as job interviews, podcast interviews, job events, and content creation.
Therefore, I recommend working on your in-person public speaking skills and your virtual public speaking skills so you can be prepared for different types of public speaking situations.
Lesson 8: Making mistakes is normal.
Everyone makes mistakes including professional speakers and successful content creators.
There is no such thing as a perfect speaker.
Despite that, people might make fun of you or try to downplay your point because you stumbled on your words or you used filler words or filler sounds.
Sometimes, I get annoyed when I’m watching a video or listening to someone speak and they’re constantly saying um or uh or messing up a lot. In fact, that’s usually when I’m watching my own video or listening to how I speak in the moment, because I get annoyed with myself when I mess up a lot.
However, regardless of how I or someone else feels or reacts, please remember that it’s normal to make mistakes when you’re speaking.
It’s normal to stumble on your words sometimes or use filler words or filler sounds when you’re speaking extemporaneously.
The goal of a speech is not to be perfect.
Instead, our goal is to improve our skills so we can speak clearly and confidently in various public speaking situations.
If we make a mistake, then so be it. It only proves that we’re human.
At the same time, we don’t want to be complacent to the point where we’re not making any progress with our public speaking skills. Meaning, every time we speak or create a video, we use 30+ filler words or it takes us three hours to record a five-minute video because we’re messing up a lot.
We don’t want to have either extreme mindset: we don’t want to think that we don’t have to improve at all and we don’t want to fixate on improving so much that we stifle our progress.
We want to be in the middle: if we make a mistake, that’s okay. We’ll make a note of it, learn from it, and strive to do better next time.
Lesson 9: Your journey will look different from other people’s journeys and that’s okay.
Let’s say that you and your friend both don’t like public speaking but you both want to get better at it so you can start creating YouTube videos.
As a result, you and your friend take the same speech classes or join the same Toastmasters club to improve this skill.
Three months go by, and you notice that your friend is more confident than you when it comes to speaking in public. They can easily give prepared or impromptu speeches while you struggle a bit with the same things.
You also notice that your friend launched their YouTube channel with two videos on it while you’re still trying to record your first video.
Now you’re questioning your abilities and wondering why you’re not progressing at the same pace as your friend. This leads to you taking a step back and procrastinating with your goals.
Here’s the thing: even though you and your friend took the same classes or joined the same organization, you’re both two different people.
Maybe your friend never had a fear of public speaking. Maybe they simply needed help with organizing their ideas and improving their stage presence.
You, on the other hand, may deal with anxiety and imposter syndrome which is why you’re not progressing at the same pace as your friend.
You both have different obstacles that you have to face and overcome in order to improve your public speaking skills and confidence.
That’s why we shouldn’t compare our journey to other people’s journeys.
We all have different skillsets, fears, and obstacles that we have to deal with throughout our public speaking journeys.
Additionally, this is not a race. Your focus should not be on how fast you can improve your skills or overcome your fear. Instead, your focus should be on what outcomes you want, what progress you’ve made already, and what steps you need to take to achieve certain goals.
Sure, you can have a goal that is time-bound but make sure that deadline is realistic for you and not based on other people’s realities.
Lesson 10: We are usually our worst critics so we often downplay how well we did with a speech or video.
While people online and in person might criticize you about your video or speech, the way we criticize ourselves is usually worse.
I know this firsthand.
There have been times that I have given a speech or presentation and I didn’t think I did a good job, but my audience told me they enjoyed my speech or presentation.
There have been times when I’m recording a video and in the moment, I think I messed up or didn’t do a good job but when I look back at the clip, I think to myself that I did do a good job and I was being too hard on myself in the moment.
This is why it’s good to have a recording of your speech and to practice creating videos.
Over time, we can train our inner critic and brain to be more realistic and to not be harsh on ourselves by looking back at our recordings and videos. The more proof that we have that we are good at certain things and that we are progressing, the more we will learn to be effective evaluators of ourselves.
It’s important for us to give ourselves grace and room to make mistakes.
Our goal should never be to be perfect speakers and video creators because that’s unrealistic.
Instead, our goal should be to improve a little with each speech we give and each video we create.
Over to You – Public Speaking Lessons
Those are ten lessons I have learned throughout my public speaking journey.
While your journey does not have to look like mine, you can take those lessons and apply them to your own public speaking journey.
If you haven’t started your public speaking journey yet, I want to know what’s holding you back. Leave a comment with your answer.
Also, if you’re interested in learning more public speaking tips, then follow The Jessica Dukharan Podcast on your favorite platform and join my email list.
