You’re allowed to change

I have changed a lot throughout my lifetime—from the way I dress, to the way I talk, to the way I perceive myself. I shared some of those changes in a video I posted on my YouTube channel a few months ago and I decided to share that video in a written format for those who prefer to read. 🥰

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I had a tumultuous childhood. I was born in a country named Guyana. At that time, Guyana wasn’t developed like it is today. When I was five years old, my family and I moved to the United States and we settled down in a house in Georgia with my dad’s side of the family. 

During that time, I was a vibrant, outdoorsy child. I would ride bikes and play sports with my cousins in our backyard. I would participate in made up games such as “store store,” shows such as a fashion show and weather forecast, and even plays that involved a hag, princess, and a horse.

After several years, my family and I moved out of that house and into our own house. We had a big backyard so I would still go outside to play with my sisters and cousins when they would visit.

We would jump on our trampoline, play volleyball, and go swimming in our inflatable pool. 

During the first week of my freshman year of high school, my dad passed away due to a car accident.

That moment changed all of our lives forever.

For the first time, I barely passed one of my classes because I stopped caring about school as much as I did before. This is a big deal because as an immigrant and Asian, I was expected to do well in school so I could have more opportunities than my family did in the long run. 

Even though I was experiencing hardship during that time, I ended up graduating in the top ten percent of my class. 

However, I didn’t know what I wanted to major in or do as a career after college. Despite that, I applied to a technical college and picked a healthcare major I thought would lead to a viable career. 

During my first year in college, I started a blog on the blog spot platform which rekindled my love for writing that I discovered in high school when I took English classes. 

Consequently, I decided I didn’t want to pursue a healthcare career. Instead, I wanted to pursue my love for writing and pick a career that was aligned with my passion.

I decided to apply to a university and use my acceptance or rejection as a sign of whether or not I should change majors.

Guess what?

I got accepted to that university!

I was ecstatic yet nervous because I didn’t know which major was right for me and I had to tell my Asian mom that I was transferring schools and switching from a science degree to an arts degree.

My college journey was messy. I changed majors and schools several times.

I worked while going to school and I found it hard to juggle both at times.

I was also changing spiritually and trying to find a community to be a part of during my journey. 

I need to rewind for a minute. 

During my summer break after high school and before college, one of my cousins passed away due to a car accident.

She had attended my dad’s funeral and four years later, we were attending hers for a similar reason.

My cousin and I were eight months apart in age so her death hit just as hard as my dad’s death did. 

Both of their deaths led to me pursuing a relationship with God and changing my lifestyle overall. 

Let’s fast forward a little. 

When I was in college, I took a public speaking course, joined a Toastmasters club, and participated in speech competitions.

Those decisions helped me build my confidence and conquer my fear of public speaking. 

Those choices also helped me get certain job opportunities.

Throughout my life, I have worked as a customer service representative, inventory auditor, administrative assistant, warehouse associate, title clerk, forklift operator, delivery driver, shift manager, laundromat attendant, and social media manager.

I have also started my own businesses, created my own websites, and taken risks that many people are scared to take. 

If I asked you to pick one word that summarizes everything that I’ve shared so far, what word would you pick? 

I would pick the word change.

I have changed a lot in my lifetime yet many people who have met me still see me and treat me as a version of myself that no longer exists. 

As you can tell, I experienced trauma growing up due to deaths in my family. I also experienced trauma from betrayals by relatives, friends, and romantic interests. 

For a long time, I was a people pleaser who lacked boundaries, had low self esteem, and was desperate for love. Most of that was due to trauma while some of that was due to social conditioning. 

As of today, I’m a recovering people pleaser who has boundaries, an improved self esteem, and a new love and respect for myself.

I’m still working on myself everyday and I’m proud of the progress I’ve made so far. 

That little girl who used to stay quiet to keep the peace is now a woman who speaks her mind and asserts her boundaries. 

That little girl who used to be scared of dogs because of a bad experience is now a woman who loves being around dogs who are friendly and trained. 

That little girl who didn’t like cooking and cleaning because she wasn’t taught how is now a woman who enjoys learning about cooking & cleaning techniques and tools and trying them out herself. 

That little girl who would stay in her room because that was her haven is now a woman who is comfortable with being in other areas of a home. 

That little girl who was seeking love and acceptance from the people around her is now a woman who cares about seeking love and acceptance from herself and God. 

Many people have met me in different stages of my life but none of them know who I am today.

If you were to ask them about me, they would either describe a version of me that no longer exists or misconstrue a version of me they didn’t like because I was different from them or stood up to them. 

If you were to ask me to describe myself five years ago versus today versus five years from now, my answers would be drastically different.

That’s because I’m constantly changing due to experiences, education, and personal development. 

This is your reminder that you’re allowed to change too.

You don’t have to have the same opinions and beliefs all your life.

You don’t have to have the same habits and routines all your life.

You don’t have to live in the same city or work the same job all your life. 

You’re allowed to change over time. 

You can change one thing or five things or everything about yourself and your life if you want. 

You can change your beliefs as you learn more about a topic or gain more experience. 

You can cut ties or limit contact with people who are no longer a good fit in your life.

Many people won’t like that you’ve changed and that’s okay.

We weren’t put on this earth to please everyone and we don’t have infinite time on this earth so we need to use our time wisely. 

While death is usually the main reminder to live our lives to the fullest, I want you to take this lesson as another reminder to live your life to the fullest.

What do you need to do to see positive change in your life?

Who do you need to become to see positive change in your life? 

What would make the younger version of you proud of the current version of you? 

People will always have their own opinions of you but your opinion of yourself is the one that matters the most because only you and God know who you truly are and who you are meant to be. 

People might spread rumors about you and slander your name because they don’t like that you’re changing and they refuse to evolve. 

Don’t allow that to stop your progress and trust that the truth will come out eventually. 

Also, use those moments to reevaluate your relationships and make adjustments. 

That could mean limiting contact or going no contact, leaving an environment, or even taking legal action if needed. 

No matter how many times the world throws you curveballs, trust that you’re capable of hitting them out of the park. 

You might need to adjust your viewpoint, stance, and approach but if you’re willing to bet on yourself, you can do what others call the impossible.